(Original Post: October 11, 2016)
The series premieres of the CW’s line-up of DC Comics-based shows has brought joy to many, but anger to others, as spoilers from DC-TV-Spoilers.Com about the main antagonists for Season 3 of The Flash and Season 5 of Arrow have been quickly revealed as untrue, leading many followers of that website to abandon the site, and others redirected to it by other news blogs, including the Eye of Zatara, to also question those referencing and linking to DC-TV-Spoilers.Com’s information. The editor of that website holds firm to his sources, however, and is claiming that the creation of an alternate timeline is responsible for his supposed misinformation.
“I’m not really sure what happened, but the information I was given was completely accurate at the time I posted it to my blog. I wouldn’t have typed it up otherwise.” the editor of DC-TV-Spoilers.Com, known only to the Internet community as “Kal-AOL”, explains in a special statement at the top of his news blog. “Clearly, some sort of Speedster has altered the timeline, and created a new reality in which Usain Bolt is not the primary antagonist for Season 3 of The Flash, and director Zach Synder is not the Green Arrow’s adversary in Season 5 of Arrow. I’m honestly not sure how this is even possible, but it is the only explanation I can offer.”
Despite the clear impossibility of what Kal-AOL is saying, other bloggers have jumped to his defense, pointing out other inconsistencies with our current interpretation of reality that seems to align with the theory that we are living in an alternate version of the present created by Speedster intervention in the past.
“Has anyone questioning Kal-AOL’s theory even seen Season 4 of Arrow?” fellow Arrow/Flash universe blogger, “Marvin Manhunter”, wrote in an article today on his news blog, “DC Comix Rox”. “If temporal manipulation was not involved in the making of our current reality, how could a fifth season of Arrow even be made as bad as Season 4 was? Did you see the choreography? Black Canary’s primary tactic in battle was to run in a straight line at anyone shooting an automatic weapon at her, and, somehow, not die five minutes into the first episode. Don’t get me started on the ‘shoot first’ enemies only failing to go for the kill whenever a main character is surrounded, at which point, they suddenly hold back their fire. Or the enemies basically standing still any time a weaponless main character confronted them, offering absolutely no resistance to someone very slowly and awkwardly punching them, even when that character was outnumbered. I hope whatever Speedster selfishly ruined the original choreography for Season 4 gets eaten by a time wraith for it. I really do.”
“And what’s with Hulu not getting CW stuff anymore?” blogger “Flash Ketchum from Earth 2 Pallet Town” wrote on his news blog, “All’s Wells That Ends Thon”, “I definitely remember Hulu getting CW stuff in the original timeline. This is some parallel universe, multiversal tachyon bullcrap right here, that’s what this is.”
On non-DC-related news blogs, the current U.S. President race between Republican Party candidate Donald Trump and Democratic Party candidate Hillary Clinton has also been cited as compelling evidence of possible temporal tampering.
“The real question you should be asking,” Kal-AOL continued in the original statement on this subject posted late last week to DC-TV-Spoilers.Com, “is that if we are really living in an alternate timeline, what can we do to return things back to the way they are supposed to be?”
After several minutes of discussion on his own personal theories on time travel, mostly a mix of Back to the Future and Hot Tub Time Machine, Kal-AOL finally gave the best answer he could to the problem of how to resolve the possible temporal conflict believed to be directly affecting all of reality around us.
“Honestly, I have no idea.” Kal-AOL shrugged, using stage directions to note his shrug in the otherwise article-formatted prose of his most recent blog post. “And, even if we did fix the timeline, the unfathomable awesome that is Luke Cage might turn out the worse for it. Whatever your stance on fixing Arrow Season 4, I think you’ll agree with me that’s a risk our world just can’t afford to take. Forget Donald and Hillary… Luke Cage 2016!”
Since the original posting of this article to the Eye of Zatara, a “Luke Cage” section has been added to Kal-AOL’s blog, DC-TV-Spoilers.Com, much to the protest of his primary DC-based readership – at least, until they watched their first episode of the Netflix Original Series and immediately celebrated along with the rest of us. Rumors have also begun to circulate that Libertarian Party candidate for U.S. President, Gary Johnson, has replaced his current running mate with the actor from Luke Cage in an attempt to bolster his chances in the election. It is now estimated he will receive a 0.02% share of the popular vote, up 400% from previous vote estimates of 0.005% before including Luke Cage in his platform.