(Original Post: September 15, 2016)
CBS announced today the delay of their upcoming Star Trek prequel series, “Star Trek: Discovery”, after Executive Producer Bryan Fuller suddenly disappeared during a shoot last week at Pinewood Toronto Studios, pushing the series’ release date from January 2017 to sometime in May. While CBS has officially declined to comment on the reason for the delay, multiple sources closest to the project have disclosed the details behind Mr. Fuller’s disappearance, and their speculation on the future of the new Star Trek series.
“It was the darndest thing,” Creative Producer Nicholas Meyer explained to popular Star Trek blog “The Wrath of .Com” shortly after CBS’s announcement. “There we were, filming the third episode for the season, and some overgrown high school kid in a tanktop and jeans wandered into the set, took one look at the Andorian-dressed actors conversing with Bryan at the time, and shouted repeatedly, at the top of his lungs, ‘HOLY CRAP, WHAT A NERD!!!”
“He broke down crying right then and there in the middle of the set.” Rod Roddenberry sighed, speaking to a reporter dressed like a male Seven of Nine while shaking his head. “He started muttering something about Joxton High School, and then just ran out of the room. Frankly, we haven’t seen him since. His family assures us he’s ok, but every time we go by his condo to check on him, all we hear is sobbing through the door, and he refuses to let us in.”
PR agents for Mr. Fuller, however, have denied that the delays in the release of “Star Trek: Discovery” have anything to do with their client, and most certainly are not the result of the 47 year old man being called a “nerd” by a roughly 17 year old bully. Neighbors of Mr. Fuller, however, interviewed by sources close to “The Eye of Zatara” have exposed startling new details which seem to confirm the accounts reported to Star Trek fan sites by Nicholas Meyer and Rod Roddenberry.
“When we first bought this condo, we almost never saw Mr. Fuller. It was a kind of running joke between me and my wife that he didn’t really exist,” popular local television anchor Samir Hakari reported to our totally legitimate sources earlier this morning. “Then, about a week ago, we suddenly heard the door of his condo slam, and then a lot of crying through the walls. We have excellent insulation here. I’ve never heard any of my neighbors through the walls before today. Now… my wife has actually rented a hotel room the last several nights because she hasn’t been able to stay the night in our room and get any sleep. I… I don’t blame her.”
“I heard the crying, as well,” another neighbor, Natasha Smith-Noranski, also confirmed to super reliable sources connected to “The Eye of Zatara”. “But that wasn’t actually the strangest thing. Every day for the last week since Bryan locked himself in his condo, some sort of strange, pimply jock type kid has slipped past the doorman for our condo building when he wasn’t looking, gone up to the second floor, and slid a note underneath Bryan’s door before slipping out the back staircase, and, then, a few minutes later, the crying suddenly gets louder from within the condo. Bryan’s always been a very kind and conscientious neighbor. I really hate to see this kind of thing happen to him… even if he really is a big nerd.”
“tlhIngan Hol vIjatlhbe’. ghu’vam mugh jIH internet lo’.” actor Michael Dorn added, after being spotted hanging around Mr. Fuller’s condo building dressed in full costume as his popular role of Lieutenant Worf from the “Star Trek: The Next Generation” and “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine” series. “I’m sorry. I was speaking my native tongue there for a moment. What I said in Klingon is ‘The actions of this 17 year old child are far from honorable. Executive Producer Fuller must regain his honor in glorious combat by confronting this tog with the edge of a blood-stained bat’leth.'”
Michael Dorn then cleared his throat.
“Maybe then he can take a look at these script ideas I’ve put together for a new series starring Worf I’ve been hanging around his condo trying to show him for months… I mean, uh, only THEN will he be able to reclaim his family honor, and rest his soul in the glory of Sto-vo-kor with the honored dead should the family of the 17 year old human COWARD attempt retribution!”
When asked by “The Wrath of .Com” if Mr. Fuller’s sudden sensitivity to bullying could potentially cause any further delays in the release of Star Trek: Discovery, especially if his bully should, for example, locate his Facebook or Twitter accounts and continue his harassment onto those fronts, Nicholas Meyer could not give a definitive answer.
“All I can say is I very much hope not. Bryan Fuller’s feelings may be hurt by being reminded of the harshness of his days in Joxton High School, but there are many, many Star Trek fans out there whose feelings would be hurt just as much or more should this project be cancelled or delayed any further.”
Nicholas Meyer smiled.
“And the needs of the many must outweigh the needs of the few.”