Kathleen Kennedy – The Eye of Zatara

[REVIEW] “The Book of Boba Fett” – Season 1, Episode 6

By: “The Watchman”

What has happened to this show? Seriously, it was so irredeemably stupid on so many levels, and now it is absolutely amazing. Again, there was very little actual Boba Fett in this episode, and I don’t care, because every single thing I saw on the screen today was Star Wars. It was both heartwarming and incredible, which a genuine respect for the lore and characters of the established universe, and a focus on everything the next generation of Star Wars could and should be – and very well might still become.

[MOSTLY SPOILER FREE REVIEW]

This is a “Mostly Spoiler Free Review”, so I will talk about different elements of the show without discussing almost any specific plot points. This is a review for Episode 6, however, so there WILL be spoilers for previous episodes as we set the stage for what happened this week. If you are not caught up through Episode 5 before reading this review, you might want to do that first.

Last week’s episode, which was essentially Season 3 – Episode 1 of “The Mandalorian”, was a much-needed change of pace from the first four episodes of “The Book of Boba Fett” which were awful. Until this point in the show, violence has mostly been toned down or outright forbidden, and we’ve wasted much of our screentime watching street thugs and failed pig guards save an old and useless version of Boba Fett from repeatedly losing fights, often in humiliating ways. Only Fennec Shand has been allowed to shine at all, repeatedly telling Boba Fett what to do, and succeeding in everything from sharpshooting to information gathering – even operating Boba’s own ship better than him – as Boba Fett himself fails at these same tasks and needs her help, and everyone else’s help for that matter.

At the start of Episode 5, however, Din Djarin (the Mandalorian) changed the tone of the show in an instant – drawing the Darksaber out of nowhere and cutting a bunch of criminals in two. He delivers the head of a criminal in a bag to claim a bounty, wanders across an incredible-looking Halo-style ringworld, rejoins his old Mandalorian clan, gets into a duel for ownership of the Darksaber, and then proceeds to do about fifty other extremely exciting things that kept spitting out rapid fire on screen to my drooling amazement. I could sit here all night long writing about it, and still smile ear-to-ear.

Much to my surprise, this episode picks up where the last episode left off, ignoring Boba Fett while continuing to focus on The Mandalorian and other side characters in order to build up to what might very well be an extremely satisfying conclusion in Episode 7 (or not – Rodriguez is directing it again). It starts with the satisfying return of Cobb Vanth, the cowboy sheriff from Episode 1 of “The Mandalorian” Season 2, and continues by showing us Grogu, training with you-know-who on a mysterious forest-like planet with a very familiar looking Astromech droid, the show building up more and more of a fleshed out new Star Wars universe by adding cameo after cameo of old and new favorite characters until I could only sit back and watch in silent awe at what was happening on the screen, understanding, at last, why all my friends were calling and texting me all evening repeatedly asking me if I had seen it yet.

Like I said at the beginning of this review, Boba Fett barely gets any screen time here in Episode 6, or any lines, and the same goes for most of the rest of his little “Breakfast Club” of ragtag misfits, which is fine with me, as I care very little for them (except maybe for Krrsantan), based on how poorly they have been fleshed out in “The Book of Boba Fett” so far. (Especially by Robert Rodriguez – I looked through IMDB, and he directed both of my least favorite episodes so far, Episodes 1 and 3. I can’t believe he’s slated to direct the final episode of the show. Please be a typo, IMDB. Please! Dave Filoni himself directed this episode, by the way.) The focus again is on the new canon of Star Wars characters being birthed into the Favreau-Filoniverse and their building interconnectivity to create a Star Wars that feels, for the first time, like the Star Wars of the original trilogy days.

This episode helped me finally understand why it was Mando got a Naboo starfighter to form the basis for a new ship. I thought it strange, from a writing perspective, to change the main character of your flagship Star Wars franchise’s mode of transportation from the much more interesting Slave I rip-off he had before (the “Razor Crest”) into a souped-up starfighter from The Phantom Menace, one of the least liked of all Star Wars movies, sequel trilogy included. Then, today, it hit me – they are establishing the limits of their new canon. By including characters like Ahsoka and Bo-Katan in “The Mandalorian”, they’re showing what parts of the Star Wars universe outside of these new Disney Plus shows should be considered part of the revised mythos going forward. By including a Naboo starfighter in “The Book of Boba Fett” as Mando’s new wheels, it fixes the anchor of canon for the Favreau-Filoniverse as including the Star Wars prequel trilogy all the way back to, and including, Episode I – The Phantom Menace. There is a reason for all these callbacks and cameos, beyond simple fan service – this is world-building!

I can also basically confirm after seeing this episode that the rumors that Kathleen Kennedy might have had her contract renewed, but basically have a window seat at LucasFilm, must be true. I cannot see how, in any stretch of the imagination, this episode could have occurred if she had any say over the Star Wars brand anymore beyond her stupid new hotel that had been approved long before all of this. The return of a certain someone at the end of “The Mandalorian” Season 2 was, according to rumor, kept secret from her, but for him to appear again in this episode in the way that he did, represented correctly and respectfully, rebuilding the very character Kathleen Kennedy worked the hardest in her failed sequel trilogy to destroy, confirms to me that Kathleen Kennedy really is out of power at LucasFilm, and we have a genuine chance of more good Star Wars like Episodes 5 and 6 of “The Mandalorian” (excuse me, “The Book of Boba Fett”) being born in this new frontier of restored canon.

Overall, this was a very exciting and well written episode, that kept me on the edge of my seat from start to finish. I think it may have been even better than last week’s outing, as I didn’t like some aspects of the long Naboo starfighter segment last week, but never failed to enjoy a minute of “The Book of Boba Fett” this week… except when they briefly showed Boba Fett and his little team. Maybe I’m biased, but I’m going to go ahead and give this episode an incredible 9/10 because of how much I loved it, even if writing-wise, it might have been more of an 8.5. I want Episode 7 to be just like this!

Final Score: 9/10 – “A heartwarming nod to everything wonderful in Star Wars, and the opening of a gate to a better future for the franchise, where Favreau and Filoni restore some balance to the Force while Kathleen Kennedy can only sit back from her window seat and watch. Truly enjoyable.”

[REVIEW] “The Book of Boba Fett” – Season 1, Episode 4

By: “The Watchman”

So… it’s Wednesday again, and I’m really starting to regret my decision to do weekly reviews of this show. In all honesty, though, Episode 4 is probably the best overall episode yet. Rather than being infuriatingly stupid and full of massive writing clichés, this episode is only mildly dumb with a wonderful boredom factor that lulled me right into a very much needed nap. Still full of clichés, but, whatever.

Last week, I avoided writing a review of Boba Fett for two days to hide from the pain of watching Episode 3. This week, I’m just going to rip the band-aid right off, so I can have a full week to recover before I have to watch this stupid crap again.

[MOSTLY SPOILER FREE REVIEW]

This is a “Mostly Spoiler Free Review”, so I will talk about different elements of the show without discussing almost any specific plot points. This is a review for Episode 4, however, so there WILL be spoilers for previous episodes as we set the stage for what happened this week. If you are not caught up through Episode 3 before reading this review, you might want to do that first.

My mind may be trying to protect me, as I’m honestly having trouble remembering where Episode 3 ended as I write this review. I think we ended with the discovery that the same generic-looking fish (?) people that were involved in the Tusken Raider clan’s death are now also trying to take over Tatooine from present day Boba Fett. How nice that we can wrap up both parts of Boba Fett’s storyline in the same neat little bow! The number of coincidences in this show are insane. Let’s go over a few of them, shall we?

Boba Fett just happens to be wearing armor of a rare material that lets him survive the Sarlacc Pit. He happens to find whatever he found on the body of that Stormtrooper to help him escape (some kind of air or gas – I couldn’t tell). He then immediately collapses of exhaustion in the desert in the middle of nowhere. Fortunately, two entirely different native Tatooine peoples happen across his body, one to strip him of his armor to set up his appearance in “The Mandalorian”, and the other to save his life for some reason before Boba otherwise very quickly dies. These Tuskens then decide to make some kind of weird pet out of him, I guess, before he gets a random chance to prove himself and win them over because a child Tusken took his new pet for a walk at just the right place and time. (Isn’t Boba Fett such a badass?)

Fortunately for Boba, he seems to have been found by the nicest Tusken Raiders in the history of Star Wars. and instead of torturing and abusing him to death like they did Darth Vader’s mom in the Prequels, they teach him about their rich culture and make him one of their own, softening his heart and making him into a new man. You know, right before they all die off-screen.

So, Boba Fett is found and adopted by the nicest Tusken Raiders that have ever existed in Star Wars, who just so happen to get attacked for no reason (see last week’s review) by a train tied to the Pyke Syndicate, leading to Boba Fett once again being on his own until he just so happens, in all the massive expanse of Tatooine’s huge, empty, ocean-like deserts (for reference, Tatooine is roughly 82% of the size of Earth), to come across Fennec Shand immediately after she’s left for dead by the Mandalorian, so he can step in and save her life. Most of today’s episode deals with the formation of this partnership, which mostly involves Boba Fett being useless and Fennec Shand showing him up.

Like I said at the beginning of the review, very few things in this episode were so bad as to really frustrate or irritate me. It was just very dull. The writing is bland and predictable. The coincidences I listed above are added to GREATLY by new things that happen in this episode. Most of them are not really too unbelievable on their own, but when added together week after week, they quickly highlight how clueless the people behind this show’s story are.

There was only a single moment later on in the episode that surprised me enough to make me laugh and smile for a minute. Other than that, I was just tiredly watching Episode 4 waiting for it to end. I rolled my eyes at Fennec being better than Boba Fett at literally everything, which isn’t hard, since Boba Fett is generally bad at everything in his own show. I don’t know why they don’t just rename the whole thing “The Folio of Fennec Shand” and be done with it. Kill Boba Fett and let her run Jabba’s empire. She, apparently, is actually allowed to hit and kill people with blasters now, so it’d probably be a much more interesting show than this one. I can’t imagine it could get worse. (That isn’t a challenge, Kathleen Kennedy.)

Final Score: 6.5/10

“Better than any other episode thus far, Episode 4 replaces outlandishness and rank stupidity with more slow, bland, soulless storytelling, written to rob Boba Fett of any significance, as only side characters like Fennec Shand are ever allowed to shine, albeit dimly.”

[SATIRE] Biden Accepts Newest Challenge from Vladimir Putin – “Lightsaber Duel” in Place of Televised Debate

(Original Post: March 22, 2021)

Imperial Palace, Coruscant – Preparations are being hastily made for what is being called a “Duel of the Fates” as Vladimir Putin, President of Russia, escalated his previous challenge to Joe Biden for a televised debate, now requesting a Jedi lightsaber duel in the heart of the Imperial Palace on planet Coruscant, a request which U.S. President Biden has, surprisingly, accepted.

Leaving a spaceport in Moscow clothed entirely in black robes, Vladimir Putin, also known as “Darth Sykkle”, activated the hyperdrive on his small Imperial model shuttlecraft to take him to the Palace on Coruscant ahead of Biden, to await him, lightsaber in hand, ready to show all of America the power of the Communist “red side” of the Force.

It is unclear what the outcome of this battle will be, but video footage supposedly of the battle itself was delivered to the “Eye of Zatara” by an old man in a Hoveround muttering about Benjamin Franklin. The following unconfirmed information is the record of the battle.

“Listen, Buddy, if you wanna… You’re… You’re a knucklehead, you know that? I could… I could kick your one Force pony into next week! You hear me?” President Biden muttered to a house plant hanging on the wall along one side of the duelists’ ring in the heart of the Imperial Palace.

“Mr. Biden, I know you are busy, but, before I cut you down, there is something you must know…” Darth Sykkle smiled beneath the black Sith hood of his robes, igniting the crimson blade of his silver-hilted energy sword.

“Look, if you’re about to say you’re my father, you’re a heck of a lot older than you look.”

“No…” Vladimir Putin answered with an insidious cackle. “I am… CORN POP’S father. I am the reason he went down the wrong path, and threatened you at that pool you used to work at.”

Hearing this, U.S. President Biden’s expression changed in an instant, the once frail-looking leader standing up tall and facing Darth Sykkle with a ferocious look of knowing determination as he activated his own “Luigi Green” colored lightsaber and raised it in challenge like a master fencer’s rapier towards the face of the corrupted Russian dictator.

“Not good enough.” Putin laughed as he waved his hand at Biden, striking him with a burst of Force energy and throwing him down the staircase located directly behind him on the dueling platform. “And, by the way, that’s the SECOND time I’ve thrown you down a staircase with the Force in the last week, Mr. President!”

Putin laughed maniacally, as Biden collapsed pathetically on the staircase.

“It’s over…” Putin smiled as he walked to the top of the staircase and stared down at the once again confused and befuddled American leader.

“It is NOT.” Another voice chimed in from the shadows, as a new weapon activated behind Darth Sykkle, revealing the face of a black and red armored Kamala Harris holding a large, shuriken-like, four-bladed lightsaber ring, each blade on the weapon a shade of red matching exactly the color of freshly spilt blood.

“What?” Putin raised an eyebrow in confusion, turning around to face his new challenger.

“It is said with Sith there are always two – a Master and an Apprentice. This is true.” Vice President Harris showed but the tiniest hint of a smirk as she threw her strange lightsaber at Putin in a blur too fast for his eyes to even track, cutting him down in a single slashing movement without giving him so much as a chance to defend himself against her. “You made the mistake of challenging the Apprentice. Now you fall before the Master…”

“And you have made the same mistake…” another voice echoed in the old duelists’ arena, an odd, unnaturally-colored, orange-skinned right hand reaching down to retrieve the still glowing red lightsaber from the injured Putin’s grasp, a “Luigi Green” saber already shining in his left. “You have slain MY Apprentice – one I picked on the Russia version of my show, The Apprentice. Now, thanks to that, once I finish you, I will control Vanuatu, the United States, Coruscant, AND Russia. Then, I will make the whole GALAXY great again!”

The strange orange alien with a fuzzy, hair-like growth on his head chuckled, wrapped head-to-toe in a red cloak made out of “MAGA” hats overlaid on an awkwardly-drawn American flag with the incorrect number of stars and stripes on it.

“Kamala… or, should I say… Darth Ka-Maula…” former President Trump smiled in the light of his two stolen lightsabers, glowing bright in each of his hands from the fallen Apprentices of the two Dark Lords now facing off against one another at last. “Winning is literally my thing. What chance do you think you have against someone like me?”

“Winning may be something you excel at…” the Vice President spoke calmly, using the Force to bring her lightsaber ring weapon back into hand. “But, if I recall correctly, the only time someone stopped you from winning… it was an election, it was last year, and it was ME.”

Trump’s eyes filled with fury, but he said nothing to his confident opponent.

“What’s wrong? Nothing to say without Twitter to hide behind?” Kamala mocked, raising her weapon in challenge to the 45th President.

“I’m going to beat you so bad even a Dominion voting machine can’t put you back together again…” Trump smiled, charging at Kamala as the two clashed blades in an epic cascade of sparking flashes of light.

Meanwhile, somewhere in the background, a third figure watched over the battle, interlacing her fingers and smiling silently to herself, cloaked in a shadow of the Force so thick that even the Dark Lords clashing before her had no idea she was even there at all.

“Excellent…” Kathleen Kennedy smiled over the battle as Kamala and Trump battled evenly against one another in a tremendous display of swordsmanship and skill. “I’m not sure which of the two of them will win in the end. But, whichever one does… I will make them MY new apprentice…”

A cold chill filled the hearts of everyone in the galaxy.

~The Gatekeeper

[SATIRE] Mystery in the San Francisco Skies – Actual Starships from ‘Star Trek’ Time Travel to Stop Alex Kurtzman

[March 8, 2021]
San Francisco, CA – In a startling revelation with great potential consequences to the future of humanity, large space-faring warships belonging to the once thought fictional United Federation of Planets, Klingon Empire, and Romulan Star Empire from “Star Trek” continuity appeared in the upper atmosphere over 24-593 Federation Drive, future home of Starfleet Headquarters, with an ultimatum for the people of the United States – “Stop making terrible Star Trek.”

“This Alex Kurtzman P’Tok that writes your shows is defaming the future of our galaxy!” shouted the commander of the Klingon vessel, the T’Kala. “Our fallen brothers in Stovokor cry out in shame over the bleeding of their honor! This human Kurtzman portrays us as cannibalistic, Trump-supporting, bald orc MONSTERS who fly pyramid ships through the stars like imbeciles!”

“We do not approve of the humanistic propaganda in your ‘Star Trek: Picard’ that claims the Romulan Star Empire lacks enough ships to even evacuate its own citizens from its homeworld in the event of a disaster.” Added Commander Revok of the Romulan Bird of Prey, the Va’nera. “What kind of threat would we be to your Federation in ‘The Next Generation’ if we didn’t even have more than a handful of ships to our name? As our misguided Vulcan cousins would say, that is highly illogical. Two can play at this misguided war of false information, Humans.”

“Give them a chance!” Alex Kurtzman replied, in a message sent to the ships hovering over San Francisco from a safe underground bunker at an unspecified location nearby. “I know you all are obsessed with Star Trek being EXACTLY how it used to be, but give my shows a chance! They’re full of love! And really stupid things! Love and really stupid things! Kind of like a family!”

“A woman from an alternate universe in the distant past defeated a hologram from far in the future by blinking at it,” replied Captain John Tolliver of the U.S.S. Everlast. “How does that even work?”

“Uh…” Kurtzman stuttered.

“Romulan agents blew up the shipyards building a fleet to save our people in the Romulus system from being annihilated by a supernova blast.” Commander Revok of the Va’nera added. “Why would we do such a thing?”

“Well…” Kurtzman swallowed hard.

“That honorless woman that stars in your ‘Lower Decks’ garbage said all Klingons have apostrophes in their names.” Captain Kah’lok of the Klingon T’Kala interjected, angrily. “That is racist human filth! Has she not heard of the great Kang and Kodos? What of the Federation’s own Lieutenant Commander Worf? Have you not even heard of HIM???”

“I, uh… I don’t know who that is.” Kurtzman scratched his head.

The Klingon ship charged its weapons.

“Wait, all of you, listen to me, I’m sure there’s a better way!” another signal appeared from somewhere in the area, broadcast to the gathered starships from a nearby television studio in Los Angeles, this time from former Star Trek child actor, Wil Wheaton, who played the character, “Wesley Crusher” on “The Next Generation”. “If I learned anything from my time on TNG, it’s that aggression and violence never solve anything. Come on, Everybody, let’s come together and believe that!”

The Klingon ship fired immediately on Wil Wheaton’s location and nothing more was ever spoken of the matter by anyone.

“Wait, let’s… sit down… and… talk… about this… together.” Another Star Trek actor intervened, hailing the future ships from a fan replica of the original series Enterprise given to him as a gift for reading a fan script with him. “This is… Captain… James T. Kirk… played by… Bill Shatner. I am… pleading with you… in the… name of peace… You must… stand down… and… listen to me…”

“It appears that man is having a seizure.” a science officer on the bridge of the U.S.S. Everlast noted, as their crew attempted to decipher the cryptic communication. “He keeps… stopping and starting his sentences. Is it some kind of code?”

Before any of the ships from the future could understand what William Shatner was talking about, another ship from the future, who had apparently followed the first three ships through the same convenient “anomaly of the week” they used to appear here, emerged at once above the innocent San Francisco skies and began immediately firing some kind of advanced tractor beam at Alex Kurtzman’s location.

“Resistance is futile. Your future and your lore will be assimilated.” the Borg Cube announced, as the other three ships from the future raised their shields and began firing their weapons in vain against the massive block of interlocking technology. “Once the future of the Alpha Quadrant becomes known to the Borg in its entirety, we can alter our strategies to more quickly assimilate the species in your sectors.”

“Wait… strange alien ship… you must not absorb that… contradictory… nonsense…” William Shatner tried in vain to hail the Borg ship from his apparently somewhat working fan replica of the Enterprise. “Your minds… cannot… handle… the… terrible… writing!”

The Borg Ship exploded.

“No…” William Shatner ripped off his shirt while overacting before a nonexistent studio audience. “I… tried… to… warn them.”

“It’s alright! We managed to beam Alex Kurtzman onto the Everlast in the very nick of time.” Captain John Tolliver announced, as his Galaxy-class ship cancelled Red Alert status upon confirmation of the Borg Cube’s destruction. “Funny how Federations ships always manage to do that when stuff explodes.”

“Come on, then, let’s return to the future. We can deal with this… Kurtzman… once we are back in our time.” Captain Kah’lok shouted, before returning with the Federation and Romulans back to the 24th century.

“Good, they think they’ve settled things.” a voice echoed quietly amongst the Los Angeles rubble created by the Klingon ship T’Kala’s disruptors. A few seconds later, a smiling Wil Wheaton phased back into regular space using the reality warping powers taught to him by “The Traveller” on “Star Trek: The Next Generation”, laughing quietly to himself as he watched the starships from the future escape in the fading light of their impulse engine exhaust. “They think they’ve stopped me, because they took away Kurtzman. They have no idea. I can EASILY find another to take his place.”

Wil Wheaton smiled before looking directly at nearby passersby and talking to them as if they had any idea who he was or what he was talking about.

“All of the destruction of ‘Star Trek’,” he began, “reducing it from a beloved, intellectually-driven franchise about optimism and hope for the future, into a bland, dark, dystopian mishmash of generic science fiction concepts executed with no emotional or philosophical depth. It was me. It was ALWAYS me. I hated them for making me ‘Wesley Crusher’. I hated them for making me a laughing stock. Now I will make TREKKIES look pathetic! I will make ‘STAR TREK’ the laughing stock. I will show EVEN THE FUTURE ITSELF what it’s like to be the butt of everyone’s jokes! I will make everyone pay for all those videos on YouTube that compile together all the cast members of TNG saying ‘Shut up, Wesley.’ to me…”

Laughing maniacally with a standard evil Bond villain laugh, Wil Wheaton then turned once again to the stunned passersby gathered around him in the wreckage of the Los Angeles studio he had been scheming in when the ships from the future appeared.

“What, no ‘villain reveal’ song after I show my true colors to the world?” Wil Wheaton frowned. “I really need to find my way onto Disney Plus. If I was a secret villain on Disney Plus, they definitely would have given me a catchy ‘villain reveal’ song.”

According to sources close to “The Eye of Zatara”, Alex Kurtzman has not been seen on the planet Earth since the appearance of the strange ships from the future. Wil Wheaton, however, now confirmed live and well, has been spotted multiple times in the California area, sitting down with LucasFilm’s own Kathleen Kennedy of Star Wars sequel trilogy “fame”, and whispering to her as if offering her some kind of deal.

[SATIRE] Baby Yoda Fired from “The Mandalorian” After Re-Tweeting “Gurgle Gurgle” to Gina Carano Post

[February 14, 2021]

San Francisco, CA – Speculation is rife about Season 3 of LucasFilm’s “The Mandalorian” after yet another actor has been released from their contract due to “abhorrent and unacceptable” posts on their social media accounts. Earlier this week, Gina Carano, who plays the popular Rebel droptrooper Cara Dune, was terminated from LucasFilm after refusing to vote for Joe Biden and Kamala Harris during the 2020 Presidential elections, which she followed up by posting non-conformist, mildly conservative things on her Instagram and Twitter accounts, such as refusing to identify her pronouns in her Twitter bio and reminding people it is not good to hate someone solely for their political ideology.

This week, Disney-imagineered puppet, “Baby Yoda”, showed support for Cara Dune’s radical statements after re-tweeting one of her more egragious posts to his own social media account with the added caption “*gurgle, gurgle*”, which was said in an “affirmative tone” according to several prominent puppet language experts.

“Some have speculated that Baby Yoda, being a child-like puppet, is not aware how to properly use a smart phone, and may have re-Tweeted Cara Dune’s posts by mistake,” explained high level LucasFilm executive S.P. Alpatine, during a press conference on the little green Mandalorian Star’s firing early Friday afternoon. “They have noticed that in addition to the offensive tweets of Cara Dune, Baby Yoda has also re-Tweeted posts from the social media accounts of Bill Clinton, Barbara Bush, the Twitter account for the monument Mount Rushmore, a Twitter account belonging to a 21 year old College student from Oregon that goes by ‘Travis’ who hasn’t posted in three years, and the Twitter for some truly wicked soul committed to the Dark Side of the Force by the name of Darth Sidious, who is in no way myself under another name.”

“Those of us belonging to The Senate… I mean Lucasfilm,” S.P. Alpatine continued, “Have concluded, however, that all of these re-tweets were intentional. Yes, including the one from Travis about how the card shops that sell Yu-Gi-Oh! cards in his hometown have no selection. Baby Yoda is an avid member of the competitive Yu-Gi-Oh! tournament scene, we are claiming. As a result, we have no choice but to terminate the small green animatronic doll from all future LucasFilm projects, to replace him down the road with… I don’t know… Danny Devito, maybe? His politics are right, at least.”

“When I heard that someone other than Gina was being fired from LucasFilm for their tweets, I kind of freaked out.” explained lead actor for “The Mandalorian”, Pedro Pascal. “After all, I compared Trump supporters to the Civil War Confederate Army and World War II German Nazis a month or so ago. Guess no one noticed those posts. Tough break for the kid, though. I’ll miss working with the little guy.”

“If anyone was going to fire you, it would be for being a part of that terrible Wonder Woman 1984 movie,” S.P. Alpatine responded from the crowd, apparently stalking the actors of The Mandalorian now to ensure further compliance with his “plans”. “Do not worry, however. All is proceeding as I have foreseen it…”

Hashtag #CancelDisneyPlus which has been trending on Twitter since Gina Carano’s cancellation, and may only gain more support with the firing of Baby Yoda. LucasFilm President Kathleen Kennedy was questioned about the firing of Baby Yoda, but refused to officially comment except to say, “While it would be unfortunate, if The Mandalorian collapses, I suppose we could always re-direct the resources to a new Star Wars project… like more ‘High Republic’ novels, a Rey spin-off movie, or maybe… that new sequel trilogy Rian Johnson is just aching for the public to see.”

She then began to cackle and laugh maniacally as her face turned ghost white and lightning crackled powerfully from her fingertips, striking George Lucas’ car outside a nearby Los Angeles restaurant and melting it into the shape of a Sith emblem.