Month: January 2017

[SATIRE] Anti-Trump Protesters Welcome Refugees in Name of Love “As Long As They Don’t Support Hateful President”

(Original Post: January 30, 2017)

As protests continue to mount over newly-elected President Donald Trump’s recent Executive Order restricting travel into the United States by refugees originating out of seven Muslim countries with a high rate of Islamic radicalization, protest leaders have come out to clarify their goals and the more compassionate position they wish to see taken by the new President going forward, stating their objective as “Welcoming in love any refugee who wishes to seek shelter in our nation of immigrants, no matter what country or culture they originate from… as long they don’t support our hateful, illegitimate, racist President.”

Adam Clu, the primary organizer of a recent anti-Trump protest in New York City, sat down with veteran reporter Michael Hamden from CBC News to discuss the subject in more detail on behalf of his fellow protesters.

“Love Trumps Hate.” Adam explained to Mr. Hamden with a cheesy smile while reflexively holding up his right hand as if clutching an invisible protest sign in it.  “The United States has a history of welcoming onto our shores those that the rest of the world rejects, and standing up for those who are shunned and stigmatized by other societies.  ‘Give us your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free’.  Those words found on the pedestal of the Statue of Liberty have a meaning. We should not be a people that divides the world based on racial, cultural, or political lines, but a people that extends a helping hand to those different from ourselves in the name of friendship for the betterment of our common man.”

Mr. Clu’s face then contorted a little, before continuing his impromptu monologue to the quiet and contemplative Mr. Hamden.

“As long as none of those refugees support that hateful racist that illegitimately sits on the seat of U. S. President in the place of the liberated woman who rightfully won the office, Hillary Clinton.” Adam Clu frowned rather coldly, as his hands began to shake in utter rage simply remembering the blight on the face of the American people that was the 2016 Presidential election.  “Anyone who supports that sexist Nazi should be shouted down with wave after wave of protest and personal criticism until they realize just how wrong they are – that they are standing in the way of progress, standing in the way of the American people, standing in the way of the future!  It disgusts me to even think of that awful man who pretends to be our President thanks to Russian manipulation of stupid, uneducated conservative teabaggers.”

Mr. Hamden began to grow a little confused.

“I thought you were in favor of love?” Michael Hamden asked, trying to understand the sudden change in tone by his guest, feeling very uneasy about the aggressive rhetoric now being thrown at him by his once docile interviewee.

“Love?  Of course I am.  Love Trumps Hate.” Adam Clu repeated, an unhealthy smile once again appearing on his mostly botox-paralyzed face, a strange twitch beginning in his left cheek as if he were forcing his face into a muscular display of happiness in contrast to his actual emotions.  “Just not for Trump.  Or anyone in his Cabinet.  Or anyone who voted for Trump.  Heaven help anyone who voted for that awful man.  You better unfriend me fast on Facebook if you’re a Republican so-called “Friend” of mine, because I am going to be posting EVERY DAY to let you know just how horrible and ignorant a choice you have made, and how disgusting it is that Trump is doing exactly what he promised the American people he would do before winning a large majority of the Electoral College vote.  We may have lost the election, although not really, but we are going to emotionally punish the entire rest of the country for it every day until we get what we want – complete and utter submission to our opinions… or else!”

Adam Clu began to chuckle oddly to himself before finishing his interview with Michael Hamden with a final ominous statement.

“We Trump protestors love Freedom of Speech, but Freedom of Speech should not include Freedom of Hate Speech.” Mr. Clu said with an even bigger smile than before on his now all-the-more-twitching face.  “And because we protesters stand for everything which is good and loving and just and correct, we correctly define Hate Speech as every opinion that isn’t in line with our own… don’t you?”

Feeling suddenly very nervous, Michael Hamden hurriedly nodded before thanking Mr. Clu for his time, and quickly escorting him out of the CBC News studio in which the interview between the two parties took place.

While Adam Clu may not speak for all those opposed to the policies of newly elected President Donald Trump, 105% of all social media users in a poll by upcoming news outet, SLNC News, report they are “extremely sick and tired” of their more politically-minded friends and colleagues using social media to post daily about how “they are completely and utterly correct, and everyone who disagrees with them is awful”, 95% of all social media users report “they are tired of seeing people on social media compare political figures to infamous, genocidal leaders from World War II Era Germany”, and 75% of all social media users report “they are tired of being accused of being a racist/sexist/xenophone/reincarnated Egyptian mummy for having an honest political opinion about a topic with legitimate pros and cons not founded in any form of discrimination”.  Meanwhile, only -5% of social media users report enjoying being castigated by their friends and family for having a differing political opinion to their own, -55% of social media users report they agree with President Donald Trump entirely on all of his opinions and policies as stated before and after his inauguration, and -1000% of social media users report that they agree with Donald Trump’s disgusting statements about groping women from his youth which have been played over and over and over and over again in the media as if that is all that there is, ever has been, and ever will be to his character, as legitimately gross, offensive, and worrisome as that statement truly was.

As of the time of this article’s writing, the termination of Acting Attorney General Susan Yates by President Donald Trump was being reported by various mainstream media outlets including CBC News and SLNC News, causing the jobless protestors sitting on the White House lawn in continual complaint against the newly-elected President of the United States to wipe off the dry erase boards on a stick they are now using in place of normal protest signs, and immediately begin brainstorming the new catchphrase of complaint they will begin using tomorrow in response to Trump’s firing of Yates, only stopping their passionate chanting of opinion to occasionally cash entitlement checks from the Federal government that allow them to sustain their lifestyle of continual opposition to the management of the United States, all the while it directly pays to feed them.

[SATIRE] CIA Releases Information on UFOs and Psychic Phenomenon; David Duchovny Surprisingly Uninterested

(Original Post: January 18, 2017)

As reported by multiple other news outlets within the last twenty-four hours, a CIA dump of thousands of pages of once classified documents has made information once only available by cumbersomely thumbing through archives in person now readily accessible by anyone with a computer or smartphone and a decent internet connection.  In an “Eye of Zatara” exclusive follow-up on this unshockingly normal news, however, actor David Duchovny, known famously for his role as the UFO-hunting FBI agent Fox Mulder on the recently revived television series, “The X-Files”, is completely uninterested in these files, despite the inclusion of actual U.S. government reports of UFO sightings and details on the U.S. Army’s “Stargate Project” which investigated human psychic ability with a focus on remote viewing, the ability to psychically obtain information outside the capabilities of one’s other five senses and from a distance.

A source close to the “Man Behind Mulder” reported earlier on the actor’s behalf that “[…]while some of these documents are, admittedly, interesting in my opinion, this is, unfortunately, not an opinion shared by Mr. Duchovny.  It’s important to understand that while David may try to get into the mind of his characters on screen in order to accurately portray them to his audience, he, in fact, sometimes holds very different thoughts and opinions on various topics than do these fictional persons, as do all actors and actresses.”

When this source was asked by CBC News intern reporter (and “Eye of Zatara” reader!) Michael Hamden, Jr. if he was just saying that because “the Smoking Man is watching”, the source reportedly slammed the door in Michael Hamden, Jr.’s face, and refused further comment.  Unable to get further information from anyone close to David Duchovny, Michael Hamden, Jr. attempted to follow-up with other actors from the “X-Files” TV show, including Gillian Anderson (Dana Scully) and Mitch Pileggi (Assistant Director Walter Skinner), to see if either of them had a message to the ever-manipulated American people about the secret information their government is clearly trying to hide from them, but that is now readily accessible via this Internet document release.

“How did you get this address?” Gillian Anderson reportedly told the eager young reporter, before motioning for a paid bodyguard to escort the CBC intern from her newly-acquired beachfront property on the northeastern coast of the Canadian province of Nova Scotia.  “I just bought this house yesterday.  What is with you paparazzi, anyway?  I’m barely even on TV anymore.  Why can’t you just leave me alone???”

Mitch Pileggi responded similarly.

“No, um… I’m sorry, you have the wrong condo.  I’m not Mitch Pileggi.  Uh…” the X-Files actor scrambled to come up with a cover story plausible enough to fool the intrepid but naive young reporter.  “I’m his twin brother.  Um… Rich Pileggi.  Yeah, I don’t know where Mitch is.  We’re estranged.  We had a big fight a few years ago, and I haven’t spoken to him since.  Good luck with your story, though.  The elevator’s to the right at the hall if you’ve gotten lost in here or something.  See you later, then.”

By the time Michael Hamden, Jr. realized he was being lied to, Mr. Pileggi had already closed and locked his condo door, in addition to alerting building security.  Out of leads, the intern reporter returned to his original objective – getting a direct statement from David Duchovny on the subject, and staked out a hotel in Honolulu that the “X-Files” actor was rumored to be staying at on an impromptu vacation, eventually catching sight of the brooding actor as he returned to his room just after 2 am to get some rest following a late night luau on another noted actor’s private beach.

“Mr. Duchovny!  Mr. Duchovny!” Michael Hamden, Jr. rushed over to the exhausted actor and celebrity with an old school tape recorder in his hand, startling Mr. Duchovny who hurriedly fumbled through his pockets for his key in a failed attempt to enter the exterior beach front door to his hotel room, a feature he had foolishly thought to be more luxurious and exclusive than a normal inner building hotel room entrance up until that very moment.  “How do you feel about the details of the Stargate Project being made available for normal American citizens to search through online, along with other once classified government information such as UFO sightings?  Do you and Scully have plans to go through this information together and see if you can uncover the truth about extraterrestial life hidden unknowingly within the likely-coded pages to reveal, at last, to the American public?  Is that what you’re doing here in Honolulu?  Meeting secretly with Scully?”

“Stargate Project?” Mr. Duchovny looked at Michael Hamden, Jr. feigning confusion after cobbling together an answer for the young reporter in the brilliant desperation of his incredibly irritated psyche.  “Buddy, I don’t know what they told you, but you’ve got the wrong TV show.  You should be bugging those SG-1 or Atlantis folks about this.  I’m the guy who was on the X-Files.  The government releases something new about Roswell, you come find me.  Until then, go bother Richard Dean Anderson if you want a comment on Stargates.”

As the CBC news intern considered Mr. Duchovny’s words, he successfully slipped back inside and locked his hotel room door, forever ending their conversation at that point.  Taking the “Man Behind Mulder”‘s words to heart, however, Michael Hamden, Jr. did, indeed, track down Richard Dean Anderson, one of the primary actors on successful science fiction television series “Stargate SG-1”, and was just about to board a plane to confront him at a hotel in Atlantic City when he was intercepted by his father, seasoned CBC News Reporter, Michael Hamden, Sr., who took away Michael Jr.’s credit card and reportedly “grounded him in his room like a child” until he was “ready to enter the grown-up world of real journalism”.

The following day, Richard Dean Anderson issued a detailed and elaborate report to the press regarding the information publicly disclosed on the Internet about the government’s Stargate Program, saying “I was hoping a reporter would put 2 and 2 together, and come and ask me about the Stargate Program directly.  But, since none of them ever did, I figured I’d just go ahead and issue a general statement to the press myself.  I’ve got some interesting insights into this topic I’m sure all American people are going to want to hear.”

Despite the bitter irony, neither Michael Hamden, Sr. nor Michael Hamden, Jr. followed up directly with Mr. Anderson for additional comment, perhaps due to rumors that CBC News abruptly terminated its “Intern Reporter” program as a result of extreme negative feedback received by the news organization individually from nearly every major actor and actress on the “X-Files”.

In a follow-up with internet news blog NowNews, however, Richard Dean Anderson failed to substantially elaborate on the shocking revelations of secret government conspiracy exposed by the independent letter he submitted to five major press agencies earlier that day, but did note that he ran out of ink in his only pen while hand-writing the world-shattering statement, almost preventing him from finishing it since he can’t type, but reportedly refilled the ink in the exhausted pen himself using nothing but a plastic cup, a few blackberries, some black paint scrapings, and a bendy straw.

[SATIRE] Debate Continues Over Exxon C.E.O. Tillerson – Selection as Secretary of State; Proposal for Superhero Team Known as ‘eXxon-Men’

(Original Post: January 18, 2017)

As the inauguration of 45th United States President, Donald Trump, looms on the horizon but a few days away, debate continues on Capitol Hill about many of the choices made by the President-Elect to fill the seats of his upcoming Cabinet, including his controversial choice to appoint Rex Tillerson, C.E.O. of Exxon Mobil, to the powerful and prestigious post of Secretary of State.  Even after his confirmation hearing last Wednesday, doubts remain for many on both sides of the aisle as to his qualification for the post, including significant bi-partisan concern for his shocking new plan to combat the growing threat posed to global peace by antagonistic nations like Russia by the creation of an elite combat team of oil-altered mutant superheroes known as the “eXxon-Men”, who will directly battle national security threats on a global scale.

“By working with noted psychologist, geneticist, and human rights advocate, Professor Charles Francis Xavier, I have implemented a plan to transform a select group of ‘gifted youngsters’ into a well-rounded superhero fighting team, transformed by contact with experimental derivations of Exxon Mobil product, and wielding powers that no nation on Earth will be able to compete with.” Tillerson explained in an interview with CBC News reporter Michael Hamden yesterday.  “These eXxon Men, even if they are not accepted by some, will prove to the world our American exceptionalism, even if their true names and identities will not be disclosed to the public for fear of personal retaliation against the eXxon Men by their future enemies.”

Despite attempting to retain his journalistic neutrality, Michael Hamden was clearly unnerved by Mr. Tillerson’s proposal, and responded to his bold declaration by asking if there was a specific threat that the Candidate for Secretary of State had in mind when deciding to create a team of super-powered Rogues in the name of national security.

“Magneto.” Mr. Tillerson answered quickly.

“Magneto?” Michael Hamden cocked his head in disbelief.

“I believe you know him as Vladimir Putin, but we in the Trump administration are aware of his true identity.” Mr. Tillerson responded again, with a cocky smile.  “Have you noticed that this man you know as ‘Putin’ never seems to age?  It’s almost as if a shapeshifter had taken his place, and was re-creating him the same way year after year while another shadowy figure pulls the strings from behind the scenes.  As Secretary of State of the United States, I refuse to buy into the Mystique surrounding the President of Russia.”

Following the CBC News interview, other news outlets have sent follow-up questions to Mr. Tillerson regarding his identification of enemies whose otherwise unopposable threat justifies the Havoc that creating a team of teenage oil-mutated superheroes will undoubtedly unleash onto the world of tomorrow.  In a short appearance on Cable news early this morning, Mr. Tillerson shared more of the Sinister threats he imagined would have to stopped, in the end, by his supermutants.

“Shadow King.” Mr. Tillerson explained.  “You may know him as Kim Jong-un.  Have you noticed how similar he is to his father?  It’s almost like his body is just a host, and something more… unnatural… is possessing him, just as it did his father before him.  We in the Trump Administration have named this supernatural astral being the ‘Shadow King’.  Any other questions?”

“Yes, any other enemies you’d care to name today?” the now Jubilant small time morning show host asked Secretary of State Candidate, Rex Tillerson, overjoyed to have someone so prestigious on their humble little broadcast.

“Well, there’s the leadership of Communist China, or as we call them, the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants.” Mr. Tillerson answered.  “We’re also looking into some more local threats for the eXxon-Men to fight.  There was a push to address overweight liberal film maker Michael Moore as ‘The Blob’ in all official Trump administration emails, but some bleeding heart hired by Ivonka shot that one down as ‘offensive’ for whatever reason.  I’ve thrown about the idea of calling David Letterman ‘Sabretooth’, as well, but that’s more for my own personal amusement.”

“I see…” the TV host replied, somewhat confused, before trying to return the conversation to a more serious direction.

When asked if the eXxon-Men would also be equipped to help with war efforts in Iraq and Afghanistan, Mr. Tillerson looked noticeably uncomfortable, before hesitantly commenting that he planned to keep his superhero team out of the “Savage Land” for now, at least until they’re “ready to deal with Sauron’s hypnosis”.

When his multiple interviews revealing information about enemies for the eXxon-Men only seemed to increase rather than decrease the number of questions, concerns, and personal insults received from the press about his eXxon-Men strategy, Tillerson released a final statement just before the publication of this article, and is now refusing to discuss the issue further until his installment as Secretary of State.

“No matter what you or the American people themselves may think of my plan to create the super-powered force known as the eXxon-Men, the truth is that we are in a different world today than we lived in ten years ago.” the statement read, obtained only a few minutes prior by Eye of Zatara sources.  “A vastly different and Marvelous world, but one that threatens to fall like Dominos if we do not embrace the Longshot of creating a superhero team to oppose the Beasts and brutes that threaten its security.  The threats we face are real.  It may seem a bit of a Gambit to oppose these dangers with force, but I believe we can successfully ride the Storms of our current world if use every knight, rook, and Bishop at our disposal to win this global game of chess known as national security.  What choice do we have?  If we simply avert our eyes to the truth, if we ignore our duty as stalwart Sentinels of the American dream and refuse to even try to Forge a better world for our children, there is no future for us but this – but to fall to the fierce, united Phalanx of our enemies and watch the world slowly fall, like a dying Phoenix, into the crimson Hellfire of a then well-deserved Apocalypse.”

Attached to the bottom of Mr. Tillerson’s public statement was a similar sentiment from proposed eXxon-Men leader Charles Xavier, as well as a mugshot from a still unidentified, grey-haired older man wearing shades with a scribbled note at the bottom of his picture that this was his “cameo” and that “the eXxon-Men will return in 2018”.

[SATIRE] Man Forgets Old Acquaintances, Childhood Friends, Co-Workers – Cannot Bring Them to Mind

(Original Post: January 1, 2017)

A man in New York City has filed suit against a small circle of friends at a New Year’s Eve party he attended last night claiming that after a rousing rendition of the classic New Year’s Eve carol, “Auld Lang Syne”, by their host, the highly suggestible 38 year resident of the Bronx took the song to heart and “let old acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind,” and now cannot remember the names or faces of multiple childhood friends, high school classmates, church acquaintances, and co-workers, causing considerable damage to both his social identity and reputation as a result.

“I work at a furniture store on 2017th Street,” the now acquaintance-less Bernie Roberts of New York explained to Michael Hamden of CBC News earlier this afternoon, “Unlike many other businesses in the area, we were open on New Year’s Day promoting a special sale of up to 50% off select furniture, but when I arrived for my shift, I suddenly realized I didn’t recognize more than one or two of my co-workers, and everyone else was just a blank.  I tried my best to pretend that nothing was wrong, but the jig was up pretty quick when I made a crack about how ridiculous it was we were open on New Year’s Day, completely unaware that I was speaking to our boss who had made that very decision.  I was nearly fired on the spot.  Only by explaining my condition was I able to get out of termination, and only after promising to work extra shifts on my days off for the next couple of months.  It’s awful, and it’s all that darned New Year’s song’s fault!”

His career was not the only part of his life affected by the sudden short and long-term memory loss, however, if Mr. Roberts is to be believed.

“Our in-laws are in town for the holidays.  You should have seen the look on my wife’s face when I could not remember her mother’s name.” Mr. Roberts admitted with a growing looking of desperation in his eyes.  “I thought she was a door-to-door salesman.  I told her to ‘Go bother someone else.’ before my wife came out, right on time to hear what I said.  I, uh… well, Margerie… my, um, wife hasn’t exactly come home since that…”

Trying to determine the extent of his memory loss, Mr. Roberts opened up his Farcebook account to see how many of his friends on the popular social media site he could still remember.  The results were not encouraging.

“Of 207 friends, I can clearly remember about 13.” Mr. Roberts admitted sadly, beginning to grow uncomfortable the more he talked about his unbelievable condition.  “Most of them were close family members, a a few of my better friends, and my pastor.  Thank goodness I can still remember him.  He’s the one I called after Margerie… left with her parents.  It’s probably only because we really connected at this big church barbeque in November.  Apparently, he’s a big Steelers fan like me, which is pretty rare here in New York.”

When asked how his plan to sue his few remaining friends would help to alleviate his potentially permanent personal damage, Mr. Roberts paused for a moment before giving his answer.

“It won’t.  But, perhaps…” Mr. Roberts said with a heavy sigh.  “It will give me the resources to get the help I need, or, at the very least, the resources I need to move on…”

At this point in the interview, an unnamed “Eye of Zatara” source allowed to tag along on the CBC News interview due to a personal connection with Mr. Hamden interjected, much to the chagrin of the intrepid CBC News reporter.

“You realize the lyrics about forgetting acquaintances in ‘Auld Lang Syne’ are rhetorical, right?”

“Wha… what?” Bernie Roberts answered shakily, horrified at what he was hearing.

“It’s a rheotorical question.  It’s not actually telling you to forget all your old acquaintances.  It’s asking whether it’s a good thing to let good friendships be lost in the passage of time.  It’s really more of a call to remember your old friends, not forget them.”

“I… I see…” Mr. Roberts answered, his voice cracking with raw emotion.  “I didn’t… I really didn’t… know that.”

At this point, the CBC News interview had to be terminated as the interviewee, Mr. Bernie Roberts of New York, had an emotional breakdown in the middle of Michael Hamden’s office, and had to be forcibly removed from the building by security.  There are currently no scheduled plans to continue the interview any time soon.

[SATIRE] “The Eye of Zatara” Driven from State of Kentucky By Angry Mob

(Original Post: January 1, 2017)

In startling news affecting all staff of “The Eye of Zatara”, an angry mob of protesters, furious after learning that most of the articles of the blog were satirical, chased co-editors “The Gatekeeper” and “The Watchman” clean out of the state brandishing a variety of firearms, pitchforks, and “poking sticks”, despite a failed attempt by “The Gatekeeper” to sing Stephen Foster’s “My Old Kentucky Home” to soothe the crowd.

The musical tribute to his home state worked at first, until “The Gatekeeper” could no longer correctly remember his state song’s lyrics, and began to blur them with the words from other, more generally patriotic tunes, singing “The day goes by like a shadow o’er the heart, With bombs bursting all through the long night, The time has come when red rockets blow apart, All but the flag in the dawn’s early light.” and “Weep no more my lady, for amber waves of grain!  For the flag still waves o’er my old Kentucky home, and o’er its purple mountains, home to free and brave.”

At this point, the angry mob howled with bestial fury and a Husqvarna chainsaw was revved up from somewhere in their midst, causing The Gatekeeper and The Watchman to completely abandon any hope of calming their pursuers, and flee for their lives as far south of their former Kentucky brethren as possible, ultimately disappearing in the misty bayous of Louisiana to shake off the last of their dogged hunters before having their possessions transported to a northern New Orleans area safehouse to continue their questionable blogging practices.

“It was inevitable,” The Watchman reported, out of breath, once he and The Gatekeeper had, at last, made it out of mortal danger from their pursuers.  “For years, the kind people of Kentucky put up with the growing madness of The Gatekeeper as he honed his undefinable mix of real life inspiration, witty satire, gibberish-like nonsense, subtle references to popular culture, and pure, all-consuming madness.  It was only natural that as his ridiculousness reached its peak in the creation of ‘The Eye of Zatara’ blog, it would garner a little backlash from those who had hit the maximum limit of mental destruction from The Gatekeeper that their psyches could bear.  Frankly, it is a true compliment to the people of Kentucky that they even lasted so long.  We can only pray that our new friends and neighbors in Louisiana will be able to hold out half as long as The Gatekeeper’s delusional tendencies continue still to grow…”

As of the posting of this article, “The Eye of Zatara” staff is safe and sound, and will be producing new content for their blog as soon as possible, unwilling to let a “little thing” like being forcibly driven from their homes stop their right to free expression.

“The Watchman tried to say I should tone it down a bit.” The Gatekeeper admitted, shaking his head, speaking to unnamed “The Eye of Zatara” supporters in an underground bunker earlier this morning.  “Tone it down?  Like I can tone down the truth!  People need to know about Lex Luthor selling Kryptonite rocks via Nordstorm, CBC creating a new Christmas special about Blixo, the ‘Red State Reindeer’, and a ‘Rurouni Kenshin – Super!’ anime and manga coming soon to Japan.  My colleague, The Watchman, may call it ‘satire’, but I call it ‘investigative journalism’, and will continue to use the platform ‘The Eye of Zatara’ affords me to inform the American people about these important news stories overlooked by the mainstream media.”

The Gatekeeper then spiked up his hair and gave a thumbs up, before attempting to sound like an immature child.

“That’s my Nindo, my Ninja Way!  Believe it!”

“Heaven help us…” The Watchman reportedly added, sighing and shaking his head with a very exhausted look on his face.  “I feel like the straight man in a Sonic Drive-In commercial…”

Whatever their future holds, it seems clear that “The Eye of Zatara” plans to continue producing new content in 2017, albeit from their new base location in southeastern Louisiana.  As infuriated Kentuckians give up the search one by one for the state’s former residents, and an innocent flock of Louisianians gradually begin to become aware of the insane Frankenstein’s monster now dwelling among them, “The Eye of Zatara” bids a sad farewell to the state that put up with them and their nonsense far longer than seems humanly possible, wondering how long it will be before the next mob drives them away again to another distant corner of the vast Continental United States or far beyond…